Mercury attempted suicide early this morning, an increasing trend that has developed in the wake of Pluto's demotion. Fearful that he will be the next to be downsized in a ever worsening universal economy, Mercury had taken on the extra expenses of re-known psychologist Jupiter, but has taken yet another hit to his self esteem by the enormous size of the latter. Mercury began to make small cuts on his surface to cope with his fears.
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